S2/03. Convergence

3.3 Retrospective: Mae West
Summer 1996, West residence, Windenburg, Mae's room

Mae flopped on her bed and squeezed her pillow.

She'd just returned from a first date; and what a strange date it'd been!
So different than what she was used to.

First of all, the man was so different. Mae'd never dated a man so cautiously avoiding being too close to her. When she'd only taken his hand, he'd almost jumped!

She'd start to wonder if he just didn't like her, but the ending of their date suggested otherwise.

His face lit up like a christmas tree when she asked him if he'd like to meet again. And though he shrieked when she took his hand, he eventually eased into it.

No, he was just a real gentleman.

"Herbert."

She said it out loudly, tasting every single syllable.

His name was already different than what she'd been used to. Funny, Linda'd said, but the more Mae thought about it, the more she'd rather call it interesting instead.

Herbert was much more shy than Mae would've liked, but she'd give him the time he needed to warm up to her. It was still so much better than another pushy guy, wasn't it?

He was clumsy, too, but he took it with humor and she couldn't help but like him even more for it.

He also was... kind of subdued, one could say? no, content, Mae decided, settled in his life.

Some might say a man without aspirations was boring, but Mae didn't see him lacking aspirations. More like, he'd found his place and it was a cosy and comfortable place. A place she found she'd wish to belong to, too.

Next to the side of someone to lean on, someone trustworthy. Someone with big, strong hands that didn't care for fine car mechanics, for example, or... or guitar strings; someone with a calm composure, someone who'd maybe want a warm home, and maybe a family, someone who didn't seek adventures and excitement.

She wondered if Herbert had family. He was a good deal older than her, he must have had a past, right?

He wasn't the man that made your head turn when he entered the room, but he was anything but unattractive. Almost too bulky, but it fit him; tall, and with a deep, soothing voice. Certainly he couldn't have been alone all his life, there must've been women who'd liked him.

Mae found herself to be one of those women, and it surprised her. If someone'd asked her about the prince of her dreams, not long ago she would've described a completely different type of man.

Now she couldn't understand what she could've liked about said different man.

Now, she couldn't wait to see Herbert again.
 

Would his moustache prick her if he'd kiss her? Mae'd only kissed stubbled faces before but never a man with a fully grown beard.

She'd be so gentle not to scare him away, but not for too long, she was too greedy to taste him, she might even lightly bite his lip –

His strong, big hands could wrap all around her waist. His grip would been firm, but warm and protective.

They wouldn't stay long there, soon they'd slide down her waist, lower and lower, down to her thighs...

and then gently moving upwards again, but under the interfering fabric of her skirt...

She shivered when her excitement dissolved into hot, pulsing waves from the center of her body, washing all over it.

Herbert.

Gentleman or not, there'd definitely happen more next time than holding hands.

She'd make sure of it!  

Mae was in love again.

S2/01. Trash Talk

1.7 Mariella Schnautz
Spring 1998, Schnautz residence, Oasis Springs

She was here again.
Mariella could hear her voice through the open door, full of glee and pretense.
She heard her dad's voice, too, though it was much quieter. Mariella hated how sheepish and embarrassed he sounded around her.

Since That Day she came to their house almost every day, brought soggy ravioli and meddling advice on what would be best for Mariella now, neither she'd been asked for.

So Mariella went all out to sabotage her efforts as good as she could. She cut off her tops, wore dark lipstick and kept her nails long and sharp, it was enough to infuriate every parent and teacher of a fourteen year old girl whose worst offense was her big mouth until three weeks ago.

Mariella examined her work and found she was very content with her cosmic purple nails. Her new look grew onto her. It was more grown up, and also fit her music taste better than her tame middle schooler clothes.

"You don't say?!"

The outcry from the kitchen jump scared Mariella and almost made her spill the nail polish bottle.

"It is just proof that it's true," Mariella heard the bitch continue, full of pity and fake compassion.

As if she wasn't enjoying the shitshow Mariella's father was put through.

Mariella had always hated the condescending looks the neighbors had given Herbert since he had married Mae and the effect it had on him. He was more self-conscious around them than usual, tried even harder to play the picture perfect family than when he was just a single father. He was horrified whenever Mariella – and Mae – stepped out of that picture.

When Mae left, they got even more out-of-line. Everyone rubbed their "told you so" in her dad's face, with Jenny Brandenburg leading the way.

Mariella wished her dad would throw her out; teacher or not, but he seemed to like having her around.

Wasn't it enough that they had to see Mrs Brandenburg's pitying face every day at school? Mariella didn't want her faking compassion in her own home too.

At least she wasn't her sports teacher, she bet she'd also have to do extra rounds on the cinder pitch after classes because she would never be able to keep her mouth shut. Together with the nerds and the fat kids, who were punished frequently by Mrs Brandenburg for their lack of interest and talent in sports.

Fernandez wasn't so lucky and he was often her victim.

Sometimes Mariella joined him so they could go home together.

"I still don't know how I could be so blind, Jenny." Herbert's voice was tired. "It was so perfect, she was such a good and caring wife. And Mariella adored her..."

Something Mariella regretted deeply now.

Since she could remember, it had been always her and her dad, it was them against the world. No one had a place between them and their pizza and football evenings, and it was good like that!

So Mariella had made sure that it stayed like that.

Until they'd met Mae.

Mae was different than the other adults she knew. Mae didn't fake interest in Mariella or played nice to please Herbert, nor was she trying to impose herself. Mae wore frilly mini-skirts and colorful unicorn earrings and knew how to make the best blueberry muffins with chocolate filling, amongst many other tasty foods. Mae was just... cool.

And she seemed to truly love Herbert, she never looked down on him for his clumsiness and timidity.

So Mariella allowed her into their lives.

A big mistake.

 

 

Mariella didn't believe that Mae had had an affair, that was just ludicrous. But nevertheless, Mae was just another liar and a cheater and had dropped Mariella and Herbert like a hot potato to live a more exciting life in a big city.

Mariella would never forgive her.

Not for leaving her and her dad behind, to rot between all the old geezers and stick-in-the-muds and their stupid, judgy gossip.

 

"You are so gullible," Mrs Brandenburg tsked at Herbert. "None of us was surprised when the dirty truth came out."

"I know, I know Jenny..." Herbert said. "I should've been more suspicious when she chased me... someone so much older, and with no money. She wasn't even upset when I told her about Mariella. She even wanted to have another baby with me! Now I'm glad it never happened."

"A baby?" Jenny screamed.

 

A baby?? Mariella almost screamed too.
Holy crap! What were they thinking? Her dad was waaaay to old to have more kids and Mae... she wasn't too old, not at all, but – wasn't Mariella enough?

 
Why would they need another baby to care for? And Mariella bet they'd expect her to do the same, dududu how cute the little brat was, right? And she'd have to keep her music volume low and worse, maybe even babysit, because that was what she'd be good for then. They'd forget she existed otherwise.

She'd never thought her dad nor Mae capable to do that to her.

But she had heard it with her own ears.

Suddenly Mariella found herself very relieved that Mae had left. She didn't care much if that backstabber had any babies far away from here, but Mariella would ensure her dad'd never think about having more kids again.

She started Toxic Purple's recent LP that Fernadnez had copied for her. On her old cassette player, not the brand new disc man she got recently, so she could turn up the volume to the maximum she could tolerate.

Then she opened the door again.

 

How could a woman scream so beautifully? Lyta was so talented.
One day Mariella would have to go to their concert.

S2/01. Trash Talk

1.6 Mae West

Spring 1998, The Coffee Dock, San Myshuno

 

"I'm just so disappointed!" Mae finished, then took a big sip of her strawberry milkshake and smacked the glass on the table with a little more force than necessary. The cold drink refresh her heated body, but not her heated mood.

She'd been dying to tell her new friend and room mate about her trip to Oasis Springs since she'd returned this afternoon, and after they finished their daily run they finally sat down at the Coffee Dock to talk.

Right after Mae and Herbert had officiated their divorce at the registry office, he'd approached her.

"That... that other guy you had the affair with..." he had stammered. "I just want to know if- if you really married me to get back at him?"

"What?"

"We did get married kinda fast, didn't we..."

This was a new, even lower version of the malicious gossip that went around. And worse, Herbert didn't even consider the affair might never have existed in the first place. 

"Shut up! That jerk!" Naiah exclaimed. "And then?"

Mae frowned.

"Nothin'. I left," she mumbled.

"What?"

"It was just too much!"

She'd almost broken out in frustrated tears in the middle of the registry office.

After all of Mae's friends in Oasis Springs had turned their back on her, Herbert doubting her fidelty too was like another slap in the face. She'd expected at least him to know her better.
And come to think of it, she'd felt so bad she'd left that faithless chump!

A few hours after she dumped her marriage, she was in the train to San Myshuno wondering if she hadn't made a terrible mistake.

Sure, she'd occasionally imagined to leave Herbert, but never truly intended. When she did it was purely on impulse, a reaction to a concourse of unfortunate circumstances.

Their relationship had started so happy. Herbert always was shy and closed up, but the way he looked at Mae when they first met, let her heart beat faster. She felt so comfortable with him. Safe. Falling in love was easy.
Rather sooner than later they got married.

As time passed, he looked less and less at her. She hadn't even noticed how detached they'd become over their everyday life until he'd asked her to have a baby. Their estrangement scared her, as did the idea of becoming a mother already. But at second thought, a baby would bring them closer together again, she reasoned and discarded the unease in her guts. And wouldn't a baby make a marriage perfect? The cherry on top.

She was already a mother to his daughter Mariella, and she could be one to a second child too.

A failed pregnancy later, the bad feeling in her gut evolved into the conviction that she certainly didn't want a second child. At least not in the near future. And very likely not in the far future either.
She was confused. She'd always believed she'd want a big, happy family one day, but now she was terrified to start it with the man she loved. Herbert on the other hand, couldn't wait for her to get pregnant. 

Slowly she wondered if he cared more for her belly than her. So she watched him more closely and found her doubts confirmed. He'd become so indifferent towards her! No kisses, no hugs outside the bedroom.
Even the goodbye kiss before he left in the mornings felt more like another point to tick off the list of daily chores, and more oftem than not was simply forgotten.

Mae had heard that the romance would cool down in a relationship, but this was so soon!
She started to doubt his feelings for her, as well as her own for him.

What if their relationship wasn't the true love she always wanted?

Linda, whom she'd asked for advice, couldn't help her either. "Maybe you should tell Herbert you need more time to be ready for a baby," her sister had suggested.

But Mae didn't want to risk losing the last bit of his affection too.

 

On top of this mess, she ran into Francesco again. At a wedding, of all places.

There he was, in all his well-deserved rockstar glory, attraction of the day and stealing the show from the bride, as he usually didn't stoop down to attend their menial gatherings. Or so were her (former) friends' words. Whatever, he looked better than ever.

Maybe Mae was even a tiny bit starstruck. But when they shared brief moment of silence, it felt just like the old times. There was a deeper understanding between them that would be impossible to match; no matter how many words she'd ever exchange with Herbert. Back then in Paris, their crazy fling had felt so real, while Mae's serious relationship with Herbert now felt more and more like an act. She found she missed being with Francesco more than she'd care to admit, and it woke old feelings for him she'd presumed long dead and gone.
Love.
If he'd asked her to leave with him then, she'd followed him in a heart beat.
He hadn't.
Instead he'd left with his wife Rosa and her head aches.
And Mae had left Oasis Springs on her own, angry and disappointed over her miserable love life.

She regretted it almost immediately. But if she could fall so easily for Francesco again, then her marriage to Herbert must have been beyond saving, right?
So she reasoned, but at the same time she wasn't very convinced. Unwittingly she hoped and waited for Herbert to fight to get her back. If he'd just shown her that she still meant something to him, she'd gladly given their relationship a second chance. Just – he didn't. He just resigned to his fate without the tiniest sign of resistance until they eventually – today – got divorced.

Now Mae knew why.
Because he believed those lies about her. He should've known her better than that.
"That's proof he just never really loved me," she concluded.

"Well, he certainly didn't have a very high opinion about you... neither did your friends," Naiah said. "Maybe you should be glad you got rid of them."

But Mae wasn't.

She was just very, very disappointed.

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Author's note:

Naiah Blossom was donated by Froot. You can read her story here!

Thank you very much🖤

Broken

21.1 Mae Schnautz

Spring 1998, Schnautz house

Mae was wondering where her pink blouse was. Maybe in the laundry. She had to look for a bag so the clean clothes would be protected.

Mae took a minute to take a breath. After the blow the unwanted pregnancy had given her, she had looked around what other options she would have in life. She had been just curious, she never had intended to actually change anything.
But today evening she had finally found the last drop of encouragement she needed.

And now she was surprised how well prepared everything was.

Just earlier she had talked to Naiah on the phone, and the other woman was pleased that Mae would arrive tomorrow morning.

Just when she sat down to pack more things into her suitcase, Herbert came inside.

"Mae! So here you are! We were worried", he said.

Mae just realized she had left the wedding without saying a word, being too occupied with her own thoughts. She took another deep breath.

"What are you doing?", Herbert asked. He just had noticed the luggage and the mess in their bedroom.

"I'm moving to Myshuno", Mae said. It sounded so simple.

"Wait - what?!", Herbert cried out.

She couldn't look into his face, so she mindlessly took another piece to pack.

She felt the tears stinging in her eyes.

"Look... I did... I am really sorry. But we have to break up."

Herbert apparently didn't know what to say. "But.. what- why... what about us, and what about the baby..." he stumbled.

"I don't want one!", she cried out, louder, than she intended.

"Mae? What's happening?", Mariella came inside, too.

Oh no. Mae hadn't thought about Mariella. Leaving her felt even harder than leaving Herbert.

"Why you didn't tell me?" Herbert asked quietly.

Mae turned around.

"Why are you packing?" Mariella asked. She looked at Mae's teary face, and then to her father, sitting down on the bed. And Mae saw the realization struck her face.

"You promised you'll be always there for me, and now you're just leaving?!", the girl cried out.

"Marie, baby... I'm sorry, but I have to..." she tried to explain herself. "But I'll be always there for you..."

But Mariella slapped her hand away.

"You lied to me, Mae!", she yelled, then turned around and stormed out of the room.

Mae closed her luggage and left. She couldn't hold her tears anymore.

"Weren't you happy?", she heard Herbert ask quietly. He still sat on the bed, and she knew he cried.

"...No" she lied.

She had been happy.

But she wanted different things in life than he.

20.2 Another Wedding

Spring 1998, Basílica

Mae felt like she was melting. Even though the last month had been cold for the average spring, the temperatures had risen too high during the last days. Mae was glad she had chosen a light dress in the last second before leaving. The men had also taken off their jackets, and some even their ties.

On her left side, Herbert discussed the latest baseball season with Leroy. 

On her right side, Linda talked in science chinese with Frank. They didn't look bored, but maybe it wasn't boring if you actually understood that language. 

Opposite to her, Delilah and Diana discussed about potty training while Diana tried to stuff some food into her daughter.

And Mariella was playing somewhere with Bella out of her sight.

She looked over to the other table, where she saw the others discussing heavily, and talk insistently to Rosa. She noticed Francesco was gone.

She chuckled. Mae pitied him somehow.

"I have to use the bathroom", she lied, and then and got up.

She was bored to death here. 

The bathroom was refreshingly cool, opposite to the outside.

Mae looked at herself in the mirror. Last week, her sister had asked her if she knew what she wanted to do.

She still didn't.
She still hadn't managed to tell Herbert anything. Instead, she had secretly switched back to contraception.
Secretly.

She knew very well that this couldn't go on like this. She had to pull herself together. 

She sighed, then washed her hands and went out of the bathroom. 

On her way back, she almost ran into Francesco.

"You had enough of being exhibition object no. 1?", she teased him.

He chuckled, while turning off his cigarette on the floor. 

But his face turned serious quickly.

"Mae...", he started slowly.

"Don't." she cut him off. She didn't need any excuses.

He looked at her, as if he tried to figure out what she was thinking.

"Are we okay, then?", he asked after a few seconds.
"Don't worry", she confirmed.

She leaned on the wall next to him. There were like thousands of things swirling in her mind. And about a thousand things she wanted to say. She didn't know where to start, so she didn't say anything after all.

He leaned back too, and took a deep breath.

For a while, noone said anything.

"Francesco?", Mae heard Rosa's quiet voice. "I think I have a headache... could you bring me home?"

"...Sure", she saw him answer, when she looked to her side.

"Good bye, Mae", he said to her before they left.

She pulled up a smile.

Mae leaned back on the cool wall. She was glad she hadn't said anything. It was no use talking about what had happened in the past. He was married. He even had a kid, from what her friend's had told her. He had moved on. 

And she had her own problems to solve.

So she pulled herself together and moved on.