Retrospective: Paris - How things happened

3.8. Mae West - Awkward
Fall 1993, Mae's apartment

When they came back to the apartment, Francesco went straight to the couch to sleep. Mae offered her bed, but he declined. He didn't even take a blanket.
She wasn't sleepy, so went over to the kitchen, picked up a bagel and took a bite, but she wasn't really hungry also, so she put it down.
What the hell just had happened?
Mae didn't really know what to do. Her head was spinning, and she didn't know if it was still from the alcohol, or because of her confusion. It was full of thoughts, but none she could clearly grasp. She needed to do something, so she went to the shower.

But wait, now suddenly it mattered that he was here, too, unlike yesterday morning, when everything was still different between them. But he was already asleep, and she could hide and change behind the shower curtain, even if he woke up. Thinking of him looking at her naked, sent a shiver down her spine and she vigorously wiped the image off her mind before it became too wild.
There had never been anything like this between them.
EVER.
They were friends, there was never any attraction between them, and despite a slight crush she might have had before they talked - honestly, he did look good - it disappeared completely when she started to know him better and they became friends. And she never had the feeling he wanted to be more than friends, either.
He was gay, after all.
Satisfied that at least this was somewhat clear, she tried to understand how could have happened, what clearly did happen.

He had kissed her.

Just a lips-only kiss, nothing mind-blowing, but still - mind-blowing.

And while it felt completely out of place, and even wrong, it also felt so... right. Like it was just natural to happen. And she almost wondered why they hadn't kissed already before, but maybe they did, but no, that was nonsense, she would have remembered this, she was sure that -

"Are you mad at me?", Francesco asked.
Mae dropped her sandwich, next to the bagel she had started to eat before.

"I thought you were asleep", she said.
He shook his head.
He looked miserable, and she felt like it was her fault.
"You're upset", he said.
Mae picked up her sandwich again, turned it once in her hands and dropped it again.
"I'm fine", she lied. "And not mad at you."
"What's wrong then?", he asked. "Talk to me."
Mae wasn't sure what to do. She was too afraid to make everything more complicated than it was.

She sat down next to him.
Being so close to him again, made her heart beat a little faster. She wasn't drunk anymore, the shower had taken care of the rest of it, but the kiss had left an impression she probably would never get rid of anymore. Carefully she looked at him.

Nope, not a good idea. She almost could feel him kiss her again, not that he even tried, but the memory was still too fresh. And she was mad at herself for feeling all those feelings, that suddenly came out of nowhere, just because of one. Meaningless. Kiss.
He was still waiting for her to talk, so she pulled herself together and took a deep breath.

"That kiss... Was that because you had another flashback?", she tried to sound casual. It was the only explanation that made sense to her.
He gave her a confused look.
"What? No. I'm not so crazy to constantly mix up where I am or with who..."
No, those feelings didn't come out suddenly, Mae started to understand. They had always been there, they were the sole reason she wanted to fight for him, and protect him. With every look he gave her, every word they spoke, and every touch they exchanged, her feelings for him had become stronger and stronger, even now.
And that kiss was just the last drop that brought them to light.

"Oh - I didn't mean that... just...", she stuttered. "I know you're not into girls, so... it couldn't be because it's me, I get that."After all, it never was because it was her. Not for Roy, not for Marc, Jake, Daniel, Mirco, Jean, Marthe, or all those other people whose names she already had forgotten. And the least of all, for Francesco.
But this time it hurt.
Francesco made a few attempts to say something, but he struggled.

"Can we just forget that? And go back to normal?", he said finally.
It hurt.
Mae sighed. That would probably be the best.
"Yeah", she agreed. There was no use talking about this. It was too awkward already.
"Right." Talking wouldn't make anything better.
"Just go back to normal." She tried to smile, if only those stupid tears would stop falling.
She knew she couldn't have expected anything else. She had to get up, do something - maybe make a coffee, before she'd say something stupid that could ruin their friendship forever, like -
"I love you", it slipped out.

Those few seconds of silence that followed were deafening.