S2/04. Old habits die hard

4.5 Diana Foster
Summer 1998, Maes & Naiah's apartment, San Myshuno

Diana wasn't the first to arrive for Thursday night dinner today. When Naiah let her in, she walked right into the middle of a heated argument.

"You're still broke?!" Mae groaned.

Deandre sighed dramatically. "Business doesn't go as planned recently... I could pay in goods instead."

"I can't pay the groceries with weed, Dean!"

"I'll take it," Naiah said.

"Can you take my share too?" Ben looked at her like a hopeful puppy.

"His weed, Ben! Not his pay share," Naiah rolled her eyes.

"You!" Mae spun around and poked Ben's chest with her cooking spoon, "Especially you! You always eat for two! And you never pay!"

"Hey, hey, careful there!" He retreated.

"Uhm, wait, maybe I can help you with something instead? Like, do you need something fixed?"

Mae shot him a disbelieving glance.

"Do you know how to fix a dripping pipe?"

Ben pulled a face. "Erhm- I could learn?"

Mae groaned and threw her hands up in desperation. "From now on, I'm only gonna make pasta with tomato sauce – no, ketchup –" she spat the word like an insult, "and you can bring your own cheese! How are you guys always so broke?"

"I'm not," said Weston, his mouth already full of food. "I'll bail you two losers out this time." The tiny toasts, topped with something red and meaty, and small, green olives looked delicious. Diana's mouth watered. She took one too, but not before handing Mae a few banknotes. 

"What a way to advertise working at your 'escort service'," grunted Deandre, already busy exchanging his merch with Naiah, who, before Deandre could take his money, retracted her hand and gave it to Mae instead. "Just making sure the next weeks are paid," she laughed.

Deandre complained loudly.

"When do I have to pay you back, Wes?" Ben asked.

"Forget it. I'll be dead by the time you can," Weston retorted.

Diana giggled. She was all too familiar with money struggles. Not only because of her own situation, but also because she always ended up hanging out with the poorest people. Often, they were the kindest, too.

The dinner was delicious, as always.

Even better, Mae'd outdone herself today, with lots of little appetisers and fancy wine.

"Just in case Linda makes it still here tonight," she'd said warmly.

Diana, however, was confronted with mixed feelings about Linda's arrival. She felt sorry about what had happened in Oasis Springs, but on the other hand, she couldn't help feeling a little – cautious about her?

Was that the right word?

Frank had always been protective of Diana when it came to her boyfriends, but Diana had never felt the same need regarding her brother. He was very capable to look out for himself.

But when she heard that what she'd always been concerned about had finally happened and Linda and Frank had become more than 'just friends', she became alerted.

Maybe because, unlike all the other women Frank had dated, Linda was not only pretty, but also as smart as him. Diana often enough had felt left out when Frank and Linda had talked endlessly about complex scientific stuff she couldn't understand.

One day, Linda could hurt him.

And Diana didn't like it.

"Now, listen up," Naiah commanded, after all plates were cleared, bottles emptied, and there was still no sight of Linda. "We're celebrating today. I got Mrs Feng the rare statue she wanted, and she was very pleased." She smirked triumphantly and waved with her newest purchase; the small plastic bag filled with Deandre's marijuana. "Treat's on me this time!" She shouted into the room.

Their guests cheered and clapped, and followed her outside onto the balcony.

Diana watched them wistfully. 

Every time when the Thursday round fired one up – literally every single Thursday night – she'd stayed inside with Mae, who complained that it only gave her head aches, and a few others who didn't smoke pot.

Diana had to watch Lana.

Today, however, her daughter was already at Carys', as Diana had the late-night shift and would go to work straight from her weekly dinner with friends. 

She shot a quick glance at the clock. There was still a good hour until she had to leave. If she just took a little bit, she would be sober just in time.

As a mother, she had to give up so many things. Starting from staying up and going to sleep whenever you wanted, to concerts and festivals, long nights out dancing and getting wasted; basically everything that other people her age could do. Even finding love – it seemed all impossible now.

Diana loved her daughter dearly, but sometimes she couldn't help wondering what her life would be like if she'd never had her. When she found out she was pregnant, her conscience forbade her to even think about terminating the pregnancy. And when she'd finally held her little girl in her arms, she'd known she'd never regret her decision. But unfortunately, life was more than these wonderful, little moments of happiness; it was mostly damn fucking hard as a single mother.

And now she deserved a break.

The people on the balcony moved aside to make room for her and she flopped down, full of excitement. Naiah held out the pipe to Diana without stopping her colorful and florid report about what lengths she had to go through and which strings she had to pull to get some super expensive art piece for a snobbish woman named Mrs. Feng.

The scent here was heavenly.

So was the feeling that washed over Diana a short while later. She learned that Deandre was a lot funnier on weed, Weston, surprisingly, very annoying, Ben even more silly and Naiah very witty.
And she had really pretty eyes, too.

Diana's were glued to them, as Naiah told her story which occasionally got interrupted by her girlfriend – wait, was Chloé Naiah's girlfriend now? Diana hadn't fully gotten it yet. Whatever, Naiah was frequently interrupted by demonstratively sensual kisses from the exorbitantly good-looking model on whose lap she sat.

Apparently, it was easier to find a date as a lesbian than as a mother, but Diana's high prevented her from being too crestfallen over it. She'd rather drink in the beauty of the two women in front of her.

"Yancey, lighter please," a gentle, melodic voice said from behind Diana. It belonged to a woman with long black hair who bent over Diana's shoulder to reach for Yancey's zippo. She lit a cigarette and sat down next to Diana. Everything about her was graceful and delicate. Iko was another one of Mae's model friends, just a total different type than the loud and flamboyant Chloé.

"Wow, I know she's a treat, but don't stare," Naiah smirked.

"Iko's not into women," Yancey grinned.

"What? No – no, I don't like her like that," Diana said clumsily, taken by surprise. "It's just so admirable," she mumbled. "Iko's got a kid, too, but she always looks so perfect." She wished she could find the time to do more with her looks than put on eyeshadow and run. Also, Iko could pull off looks that'd make Diana look like a – a 'someone that loves cookies', Martin's voice sneered in her head.

Iko smiled softly. "Don't be too hard on yourself. I don't do much either when my son is over."

"Oh, does he live with his father?" Diana was surprised. "It must be hard for you."

"His mother," Iko corrected her with a smirk. Then she laughed, high and clear. Diana's confusion must've been written all over her face. Didn't her brother just say that Iko didn't date women?
"When I was in high school, I didn't know who I am yet. So I did what every other high schooler did and messed around with girls. One of them got pregnant with my son."

"Oh," Diana said and understood even less. "How-"

The people around her chuckled and giggled.

Iko shot her a pitiful, but amused glance, before explaining. "I was born in a male body."

"Oh," Diana said again. And added, for lack of anything else she could think of, "You are very pretty."

Iko flashed her a mysterious smile. "Thank you," she replied. "And you are very sweet. I think I need another beer." She got up and left Diana with hot cheeks and a racing heart.

"Sure you don't like her 'like that'?" Nia snickered.

Diana sighed. "Don't you ever look at someone of your own sex and think they look gorgeous?" She asked into the round. "It doesn't have to mean that you want to date them!"

The group's reply was chaotic and messy.

"Hell no," Deandre and Yancey shot, almost in unison.

"I do," said Naiah, "but I'd totally date them."

"Let me think – nope." Ben said.

"You don't date anyone," Chloé hooted, giving his shoulder a playful kick. "You're the biggest flirt around, but as soon as someone wants as much as hold your hand, you're out. You might as well join a monastery by now!"

"Pff, I just have standards," he shot back. "I don't have time to waste. I'm waiting for The. One." He emphasized the last two words with his hands, making it hard to tell if he was serious or not.

The round hollered and jeered. 

"How you gonna know if you never give anyone a chance?" Chloé asked. "Me, for example," she playfully bat her eyes and threw a kiss at him.

"Ew!" He held his hands up in defense, but he laughed. "Stay away! I know of your bet with Tif."

Chloé booed, faking disappointment. "Dammit, Ben, you don't wanna help me earn a few bucks? At least pretend!"

Slowly, through Diana's drug-induced haze, it sank in. Wasn't it beautiful, to save yourself for the one true love? And wasn't that what everyone looked for, eventually? True love?

"That's so romantic!" She cried out through a thickening curtain of warm, fuzzy feelings. "But... how do you know who's 'the one'?"

"Hm?" Ben turned towards her, a small, confused smile on his face. He shrugged. "When I know, I'll know, I guess." He took the last sip of his beer, then stood up.

"Wait, where you go? We weren't done yet!" Chloé complained.

"In," he pointed at his empty bottle.
Instantly, more people – Diana among them – handed him their own empty bottles, implying that he'd return with full ones.

"It isn't easy," rasped Naiah's velvety voice, tickling in Diana's right ear. She had slid down from Chloé's lap and right next to Diana, to the spot were Ben had sat before. "You might think you've found her, but then one day you find out that she had someone else besides you, the whole time..."

Her dark eyes were filled with longing.

Diana shot a confused look at Chloé, which prompted Naiah to a sad chortle. "No, Chloé and I are just friends. I'm talking about Kayleigh. We were together for four years. I thought I'm slowly over it, but sometimes it still haunts me."

Diana'd heard about Naiah's ex before, but Naiah hadn't shown how hurt she'd been until now. Unwittingly, Diana reached for Naiah's hand and took it in both of hers, gently stroking it.

Naiah shot her a confused glance, but her face quickly softened into a gentle smile.

How beautiful she was! Diana couldn't imagine anyone wanting to be with anyone else if they were with her.

Her gaze was torn between Naiah's gorgeous, thick and dark-lashed eyes and full, juicy lips.

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" The people around her started cheering, and immediately, the spell was broken.

Startled, she instantly pulled her hands back, but before she could say anything in her defense, Naiah's disarming, high-clear laugh silenced her. It told her that Naiah had also been caught by surprise.

Diana couldn't help but relax and keep her eyes on the other woman.

"Say, have you ever kissed a girl before?" Naiah whispered conspiratorially, once the noise had calmed down a bit.

"N-no..." Diana stuttered, "I'm- I'm not into girls."

The other woman squinted doubtfully. Then she smiled. "You should maybe give it a try, once."

"Another day," Diana rasped, trying to erase the image that had popped into her head and startled her heart. No way! She wouldn't kiss Naiah, nor any other girl.

She wanted a boyfriend!

True love.

'The One.'

Her heart warmed at the thought again. Who would have thought that Ben would be so sweet? He was really friendly, and helpful, that was for sure, but Diana had to agree with Chloé: He seemed to flirt with literally every single girl around. Shortly after she got to know him, she'd already dismissed the idea that he had seriously asked her out back then, in the hospital.

However, when she gave it a second thought, she realised that she'd never actually heard that he'd been with anyone at all. Not even one-night stands – and that here, where literally everyone was doing someone, sometime.

Now she understood why, and her heart filled with a new, gentle affection for him.

She wondered, who'd be the girl he would fall in love with?

And shyly, almost embarrassed about it, she wondered: Could it be her?

The not-that-pretty girl, who loved cookies too much?

The one burdened with a child?

He didn't mind her daughter, on the contrary. Ben loved children, and Lana adored him.

Could it be fate that sent him to her rescue at the right time, bringing them together?

There had never been a romantic spark between them – or at least Diana'd never caught one – but what wasn't yet could still be. After all, didn't true love need time to grow?

She followed her sudden impulse to search for him.

"You go in already?" Naiah asked.

"Kick Ben's ass when you see him! He forgot our drinks!" Yancey yelled after her.

Sure she would, and then she would dance with him.