Cracks
19.6 Mae Schnautz
Winter 1998, West residence
Telling Linda was actually harder than Mae thought. Definitely harder than two weeks ago, when she had spoken to her the first time about it.
She had poured out her heart to her sister as soon as she arrived, and she had cried a lot.
To help her calm her down, Linda had made some chamomille tea. She just arrived with two cups, handing one to Mae.
"Thanks. I feel so guilty..." Mae said.
"It's not your fault... it can happen", Linda replied.
But it wasn't about what had happened.
"It's not that!", Mae cried out. "I... I feel guilty, because... I'm actually feeling relieved...", she started to sob again. It had been hard to admit, and even harder to speak it out.
"Huh?"
"You know, I wasn't too sure about this. But I hoped, as things happen, it will be okay, like marrying Herbert. But...", Mae continued.
"It's okay, Mae", Linda said, wrapping her arms around her. "You haven't been ready for it. And maybe you never will be. And it is okay to feel like that. There's no reason to push."
Mae sighed. "I'm just so relieved...", she said again.
She knew her feelings must be so wrong... how could anyone be happy to have lost their baby?
But she also knew Linda understood her.
She always had.
Either a miscarriage or a false positive? Its for the best and now that Mae knows that she wants to wait she should tell Herbert just that. Its a good thing she never told him about the pregnancy. It would have hurt him.
ReplyDeleteMiscarriage. It definitely gave her something to think over. And she is so glad she never told him, even though she knows it was wrong.
DeleteAhh! Make a better choice this time Mae Mae!
ReplyDeleteOh, that’s sad on so many different fronts. At least she has Linda to talk to. She’s got to be conflicted. Poor Mae
ReplyDeleteIt's definitely a hard situation for her. She's more shocked over the fact that she's relieved about the miscarriage, than that it happened.
DeleteDeletus that fetus! :P
ReplyDeleteA lucky spell, in this case!
DeleteSo sad. Miscarriage? I guess Mae wasn't ready so maybe this is for the best.
ReplyDeleteShe wasn't! As sad as it is, it was the best for everyone.
DeleteI didn't seriously think the egg thing. I wondered if this was it, but yeah, that's supposed to be a sad thing. But this is MAE we're talking about here.
ReplyDeleteYup, for Mae it actually was a huge relief.
DeleteShe's just not ready.
OH no! I feel bad for her. False positive is definitely better than a miscarriage. At least she felt relieved and there doesn't seem to be any complication.
ReplyDeletemiscarriage up to three months are usually uncomplicated, and actually not even that rare (I did some research 😅)
DeleteOoh I see. good to know. I like to know random facts like this 😄
DeleteI understand why she feels guilty about feeling relieved, but it definitely is for the best. Hopefully, this will help her get in touch with her feelings more. She's gotten so good at surpressing the way she really feels about things (and people) that it takes something this major for true emotions to come out. Now I just hope that she takes this as a lesson and stops trying to have kids she doesn't want.
ReplyDeleteDid she ever aftually tell Herbert she was pregnant in the first place?
It was a bucket of ice water over her head, definitely. And she needed something like that. If she learns, we will see.
DeleteShe did not...